I don’t really know how to write this so I guess I’ll just let it flow from the heart.
I’ll keep my name and photo anonymous as this isn’t about sympathy for me, it’s about others knowing they’re not alone.

I was living at my Mum’s when it started. I was sexually abused. I thought it’d only happen once… and to be honest, I don’t know why it happened. I thought it was my own fault. I must’ve done something wrong, surely. Of course now I know I didn’t although it still feels that way.
I was only seven when it started. I knew it was wrong. I couldn’t tell anyone though, I thought they’d blame me. I also felt too disgusted to tell anyone.
It carried on. Although only seven I felt sickened by it and upset with myself. It carried on until I was twelve, only stopping because I moved away to my Dad’s. Not even to this day have I told someone about it.
As I said, my name is anonymous - this post is to let others know they aren’t alone. I really hope that no one goes through what I did.

I isolated myself from people… I thought they could sense something was wrong with me. I felt disgusted in myself. I felt as though no one liked me.
Throughout school years I was bullied. I was called ugly a lot, often called fat. I was always the odd one out. I didn’t fit in with anyone. I would often (and still do) lie awake at night and not be able to sleep, I’d just lie there crying in my bed. I wanted to give up with everything.
When I was fifteen, I found someone I trusted slightly. I’ve always had problems with trust so this was a big improvement. I thought I loved him…
But one day, I said something to annoy him and he beat me up. I was knocked out. After I’d regained consciousness, he raped me. 
I’d trusted someone and they shattered that trust. 
The next day I went to a sexual advice center and took the morning after pill, just to be  safe. I never went to the police about what happened. He’d told me he’d kill me and I believed him. He said everyone would blame me and think I’m disgusting. Yet again I believed him.
However, a few weeks after I’d taken the morning after pill I noticed my period was late. I was throwing up constantly. I couldn’t eat. I told my Dad it was just a bug going around the school. I went back to the sexual health centre and did a pregnancy test - it came back positive. I was shaking, crying. I knew I couldn’t go through with the pregnancy. I was booked two days for an abortion. I went by myself, no one else knew. The first appointment was okay, I didn’t feel ill. The second appointment was the worst. I felt sick. I put on a brave face and went through with it, having the tablets inside me. I’d paid for a hotel that night so my Dad wouldn’t know something was wrong with me. I remember lying there, crying, alone and in pain. I’d never been in so much pain. I didn’t have anyone to tell.

I felt sad all the time. I felt unhappy with the way I was. I went to a doctor’s whom diagnosed me with depression, anxiety and bulimia. I was never prescribed anything for my depression. Currently I’m with a new doctor who has referred me for counselling where I will be able to receive antidepressants for my major depression. 

The day before my exams started (whilst I was still fifteen and in year eleven at school) I overdosed. I can still remember the amount of tablets I took: a hundred and twenty seven. I’m not proud of it. To this day I can’t take tablets (especially paracetamol) without feeling sick. I remember waking up in hospital, throwing up, being poorly. I was given charcoal to nullify the tablets and to prevent damage to my organs. Because of this event, I missed two exams. I really regret what I did yet sometimes I feel as though I would be better off dead. I feel as though I can do no right. I lose friends and people dislike me for no reason. 

Whilst I still do suffer from depression, anxiety and bulimia, I get through life.
I get through knowing I can get somewhere. I have plans. I know I can succeed in things.

I hope that whoever reads this knows that they’re not alone in what they’re going through. If people want to leave a message asking anything/seeking advice, please do.
I really do hope no one goes through or has gone through what I have (or worse), I know that it happens. 
When everything seems as though it’s all too much… please know it isn’t.